Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Janufeb is what the NPR blatherer said. Cold. dismal. The street  for cars cleaner than the sideawlk that the 
wheelchair must traverse and the old folks shufffle extra slowly and  press the quadcanes down, or lean on their carts, happy for more traction. We can see the fat tub of lard maintenance man sitting in the library, reading the paper as we slip and slide to the bus.

B. is beautiful so handsome that I don't even see him, holding the door for me.  And the carts that were stuffed on the lift by my awful neighbors, he yanks off and whisks me on and banters.
Yea America is going to  blazes but he is ready for the rapture, so it doesn't matter what happens. When you take God out of it, this is what you get....

I hear him solemnly and hold his words as truth. Unlike the monster bibleclass lady, he carries
himself like a light of god. He endures the old folks with patience. When he removes his 
hat, his dark bald head gleams with fiercesome symmetry. He is impeccable in his casual
work clothes, neat layers.  

I don't know why today I see  how handsome he is. Maybe because I am leaving and know I will not ever see him again. I relish his kindness, as he whisks me through the snowdirty sidewalk
to the ramp, and from the bus into the store, and then, when home, off the bus into the building. A thrill a ride a kindness....

While onlin in the supermarket Y. the  incessant gabber says, gee if i ahdnt unpacked my stuff i would let you in front of me..... gee you could still squeeze in, do you want to get in front of me?

She buys tons of stuff as if for four people. How she and the fat man and the three cats fit in a space i alone find too small is not something i contemplate.... i know the benefits of two feet, of verticality...

I tell her " You always get in the wheelchair aisle"
She is stunned as if i smacked her or cursed her.
I did  but not with words.
I called her bluff.
She didn't need to offer to let me in front, she just needed to not be in that aisle.

So she spent all her time quizzing the checkout lady about the wheelchair aisle.
When I got to check out I told the checkout lady  that the woman was my neighbor and that 
if she were any shopper, sure, she could enter the empty aisle, but since she came with me on the same bus and there -- see the bus was here to pick us up, that she 
was just wrong to  jump in the wheelchair aisle with ten tons of stuff...

 the checkout lady didn't quite get it, but I didn't press it.... but the man behind me did and helped her pack my bag on the back of my chair.

I thanked them both.

Y. yakked loudly and nervously asking B. does it distract you to talk when you're driving?
and told stories about peeing in Italy because R. had to get off the bus and go back in the store to pee.

But as I wrote, this will end with B. making my return home, fun, I will get a ride, a thrill, he will almost mow down my slow neighbors and spin me around in front of the elevators
and smile and wait for me to look up into his handsome face and thank him, bless him and wish him godspeed

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Someone tore down my sign explaining that the crochet workshop was to focus on making things for the KwaZulu Natal babies brought home in newspapers. This is the 4th time in 2008. Today is only the 22, Tuesday, the day of the workshop.

I thought in leaving i would be freed from the endless mindnumbing  sheaves of forms this idiotic palce makes me fill out. No, i had to fill out another form. On it they ask why are you leaving.

Ha! I don't remember exactly what I wrote something short and cute like death despair disrespect disrepair....
but yesterday as i rolled in backwards to put the  tokette in the  machine, after waiting for it for hours because it is the only front loader and therefor the only floor on which i can wash  i thought of how horrible it was that even  doing it this way, the machine ate my tokette, didn't start and so i lost a wash's worth of detergent.

so today io began my because list...

because washing macines are only available from  9 whenever tony feels like opening the rooms to 8 40 pm whenever he feels like locking them up
because we must pay 1:25 per load
because we must buy these stupid plastic things and yet and stil the laundry rooms can't be open 24/7
because the recycle trash room is only open 9 to 5 Monday to Friday and officially only a part of a day on Saturday and this makes no sense whatsoever, because if you work or have any kind of life, you won't get your recycling in the room during the normal business day

what is so special about the trash and recycling room that is must be locked

the  alleged safety measure of disabling the possibility of buzzing anyone in after 5 p.m.  which is often the hour that medical deliveries arrive for the  ill and dsiabled, only means that residents generally let anyone in a uniform who is decent looking into the building to spare their decrepit neighbors the hassle of dresssing and leaving their apratments to let someone in

of course this makes security such as it is, even less

because when the man hit the ground outsidethe office window, the manager didn't look

because the manager said I'm on the phone when the attempt to tell her the man was squashed on the  ground outside her office 

because the manager left the keys not lost them and so put the  whole building in danger
because the tenants were never told this happened
because the good lady who gets free food for the buidling was burglered when she went to church
because  when i found out I wrote and called and got my locks changed but the buidling's
locks were not changed for 4 months after the masterkey was lost

because my neighbors put up with this and did not complain but they are very willing to
gossip, get in the way, block my path getting on the bus and be loud

because someone stole my handmade black santa clause

because i had to argue to get plain potatoe chips in the vending machine and then the creep put it in the one slot that doesn't work

because my wheelchair has no camber and only one rail so i can fit through the doorways of this handicapped accessible apartment
because i can't enter the garbage chute room on any floor because is has a step down and 
a door that slams shut,  and it's as anrrow as the catwalk kitchen, so even if i were to attempt it,
I couldn't turn around and pop myself up over the lip. I can only enter and exit backwards,

because the sink is too high 
because the refrigerator requires defrosting, another contortionist, messmaking  challenge 
for me in a wheelchair

because the liars at HUD never fixed the front door on which i have scraped and bruised my knuckles

Because the front doors are glass and heavy and the easy back doors are a step down

because the tenant's group was told that it can't engage any issues of import

because idiot mincing J locked the door to the community room even though on it was a sign about the Crochet class

Because crazy P had a many curing wildly in the hallway F u Fu Fu Fu  the very  day she had 
harassed me 

because the washing machine on my floor is still broken after nearly a year
because there are only two good dryers in the whole building

because the one time I ran out of checks, you wouldn't take credit and told me i had to go out in the cold in my wheelchair and get cash for the rent, though i offered to pay by creditcard
( God rescued me and spared me the fine)

because i have to pay for the tokettes in cash, a check for them is not accepted, which uses up hard to get cash

because none of this makes sense and is burdensome and oppresssive

because my friend was given a hard time for dropping off my mail

because Dorr never got the card i created that people were supposed to sign when they came to the office

because my materials were lost and I had to dig them out  again and sign your stupid forms again

because the bible lady brought a baby to the film screening and the baby made noise through the whole thing
because i dropped my knitting needle and no one told me or gave it to me
because when i most needed it, the store would close early
because after they hooked me on some item, they would stop stocking it
because the 101 year old lady hit me 3 times
because my alleged friend hit me on my knees
because my other alleged friend shoved me and hurt my arm
because the alarms were presented as a feature and R told me that she prayed for God to help her off her knees after no one answered her alarm
because one of those who hit me thinks she is a good person and yet, she did not answer
R's alarm

because this is supposed to be a building for the elderly or older disabled and yet there are these stupid burdensome rules

because someone tore down the sign for Caroling  6 times, as well as my many signs for stuff 
to be taken to the nursing home. Thank God for computers and printers.