Monday, May 28, 2007

Saving Money I Don't Have

I'm just beginning to feel a bit better. Am reproing TONS of receipts to get my rent reduced.
I got a doctors letter, handed in list and receipts and it wasn't enough proof....
So now i've spent another day and a half, scouring and gathering and reproing....
After working on this about a month in winter.

I was about to throw my hands up on this--- she said my first pass had only yeilded $1930(!!!)
So I've got an immediate $600 with the outrageous cost of the lifeline service and another $600 with home health aides....
(sigh) it's some weird formula of more than 3% of income.

The only upside to this is perhaps being able to use this information on taxes as a deduction ( the tax lady will let me know, but now i have all the categories and receipts organized

I went to VESID vocational and educational services for individuals with disabilities last Thursday,
I got there waaay too early-- i didn't realize it was about 6 blocks away. anyway there as a woman who kept entering my space. After the session, conducted by a woman painful to look at... rivulets of fat broke and pillowed every limb. She kept tugging on her green shirt to pull it down. Her stomach / pubis bulged as if she were naked because of all these lines of fat and yet... as overstuffed as her skin was with fat, she was not a "big" person,,,,, she just sat in front of us and spoke for about an hour.....

Anyway I had moved away from a woman twice.I fled to the building lobby to fill out the forms and await the bus. she came down to lobby and over to where i was sitting and dumped her bag in the chair nearest me and dug around for keys.

Then she said Hi my name is _____.
And i said have a good afternoon
and she said aren't you going to tell me your name.
So I stopped what i was doing, and looked up at her, looked at her for the first time in her face
and said NO
and then turned back to my form filling

and she stuttered o0ooo-kay.
What the?

I told my neighbor this story and how i realized this woman kept trying to crowd me - in the waiting room and then later in the orientation room and my neighbor told me I should watch out (semi joking) and that this VESID served a lot of the AA and exdruggie folks.

They offer a lot--- training, hand holding, house fixing, driver training... told a story about helping a guy learn to make neon signs, paying for license what can i think of to get a license doing?
I would love to learn to weld --- arc/ TiG welding, but am not sure it's something i could do sitting
So my thought today was to ask VESID to help me train as a psychotherapist.... and i could specialize in poetry therapy.....
maybe gerontological psychology if there is such a thing?

Always Something

May 19

Another bad experience, redeemed by moments of grace.
Of course, this happened at the mean-to-me place, wher eI was again,
conducting a writing workshop.
I missed the bus.
It was scheduled to arrive between 1210 and 1230
it arrived at 12:18 and left at 12:22--- allegedly

I came down at 12:20 and wondered aloud where the bus was at 1230
Where upon Olga said-- didn't you hear the page?
No I said and no said the guy chatting me up after class--- and we had the class door open.

I wanted to kill her. No not quite tru. In the moment I knew I had to redirect my energy to saving myself.
I tried not to think of her.

i called and rapped, cajoled and argued and they said they they waited for me and left....

Now..couldn't Olga have asked the bus driver to wait or said I was on my way?
Couldn't the bus driver have come in -- eg announced his departure?
Couldn't the bus driver wait ( he, whoever he was only sat for two minutes and then called it in!)
Couldn't she have come gotten me from the classroom on the second floor?

No. All of these suggestions are too much like grace. It
was my fault for not acting uptight as I usually do, for relaxing my guard.

I was able to get another bus within ten minutes and paid $10 for it.
Then I saw Joe drive up.
you here for Writing Aerobics ?
Yep, I said, it went well.
How many people did you have? he asked,
five I said,
Though only four had signed up and two people not on the list attended....
No how are you doing, how's it going...

I complained to the bus driver about how i made no money today--- $11.75 for transportation pretty much made the whole thing a wash.
Well they paid you more than $10, didn't they?

Yes, I said but after you subtract the time I spent preparing for it and the fact that I'll wait six weeks for my money and it cost me $11.75 ....
Anyway he asked me what i did and I told him i taught writing and he quizzed me closely on it....
lonng story short, mayget a gig....

then he offfered me a sample of Boucheron. I demurred on the box and the man scent sample.
He said see--- that's worth almost $10.
It did take the sting off...
maybe because i was hungry. I just felt so... hurt....


my dear friend told me her neighbor who's an occupational therapist said 1/2 the complaints she hears from patients aren't about physical things, but about Access-A-Ride--the nyc version off lifttline.
yShe and her mom had to use it and "The driver showed up 1/2 hour
early, had a major attitude and drove about 70 mph on the deegan, then the cross bronx,
weaving in and out of traffic.
it was crazy."
She has a friend who won't tak access-a-ride any more. too many problems, including one
time he begged the driver to drop him off, they insisted on dropping someone else
first, thought it was totally out of the way, he told the driver he had to pee, the driver didn't care
and he peed on himself, a horrible, humiliating experience.
and the hurt has lasted for two weeks, a fortnight. Today, Memorial Day, I am just getting over it. I thought I lost ten dollars and was looking for it and the I realized it was the ten dollars I spent on the bus.

God help me. Heal me.