Starting Again

March
a year home and nearly a year since my father died
and six months since Niles, fluffy cat died

And so I begin again to fight

My local neuro tells me he can't do squat for me. Go away
someplace else to that hospital in the city you were stuck in,
that i can't get to.... because I'm paralyzed and in wheelchair
and there's no transport in this town to anywhere, unless you drive
or fly away.

BUT I have been calling and begging for a referral to another neuro
why him vs my PC? Because my PC just up and left, the third one
I've lost in two cities and three years. Good one in that
she prescribed my Naltrexone as I requested and now no
one else at this hospital-sized clinic ( which has no accessible
examination rooms) feels "comfortable" renewing my script which is why
I am trying to get to another neuro......

I refused neurontin back when I was in the torture and abuse home
( no nursing, though it was considered one of the best for rehab).
I remember being derided for my concern about side effects--
well that sealed it for me. Since their actions were cruel and stupid,
and I went hungry for want of fresh anything, I knew to ignore them.


Why have i yet to run into the heroic or even competent doctors we see on TV?!!!!!
I am down to aspirin and naltrexone.
I take a lot of vitamins-- C, B12, folic,calcium, k12
B6, D, bentofiamine, and my pain-- for over a year
3 to 7, has been 0 to 2....

Why would you deny me something for my pain?
Because then i have to come see you and beg for the monstrous
crap... wait no... worse than that.....just uncaring and evil,
because, I'm supposed to go someplace I can't get to.