Learning to Drive Again

Medicab... o... what money will do...imagine a service where someone holds the door open for you and you are assisted on and off the vehicle.... you are assited into the building....

o god! this brings tears to my eyes! I realize that i didn't imagine that it was hard.... that it is hard... and i was not able to afford these samll but energy saving and fear mitigating niceties. I get to use Medicab for my VESID appointments whic I had forgotten and only remembered in time for these visits..... what a difference it made to not worry about being late.... not that i've ever been, but not to worry to not worry!!!! and thento be able to call the cab because i finished early!!! vs sitting around for the hour... o mi gosh....


but i still ache, quake with fear . it was hard hard hard and i was nevous and firghtened and i feel awful about not being able to drive with my hands and i wrenched myself getting in and out of the chair.... though i see it is possible it is possible... i just don't want to have ot keep going through this hard scary stuff it took me so long tolearn the little i know i dont want to lose it i dont want it lost to me i want to be able to drive my car and this says i wont


i ache

Fish Synchronicity

There is a special shopping bus on Wednesdays and
my neighbor shared with me the two new fish he purchased
at the pet store next to the supermarket, on our ride home.
I knew it
was synchronicity! Sadly, he didn't know the name of
the fish, and i was newly acquainted with an array of
fish tank fish as I had read about them to carve some
for a rubberstamped fish swap.

Wow. we usuallally don't talk and the beautiful
Brian, the only driver to ever ever assist me
and assist me he does, was not there..

And still there was this twinkle of magic... I could chat about tank conditions and ask about
plants and walter and popualtion and size and just from the reading i did to make
some art.

If i can remain motivated and in the glow I will make him a couple of images
from the stamps..... I've carved a broadbill swordfish, an oscar, silver dollar fish
and angel fish. This carving has connected for me , for this moment and so I've started
a carving blog: Image, Carve, STamp

Criminal Neglect, Criminal Indifference

Outside the building, the smokers gather. Other times it's the watchers and the gossips. there was a time when I would welcome such community, but generally it is the least attractive, the hideous and the negative energy radiators, squatting and sprawling like bugs and reptiles in the sun. This is perhaps unfair to reptiles and to lovely insects. What irks me is that they make entry and exit a chore; that I must run the gauntlet to get through, that there is a lovely courtyard of trees and tables and benches to sit in, that they choose the small and difficult to traverse front entry to occupy.

Now this crew of gossipers said nothing and did nothing about the criminal negligence of our building management. Even as I write this I know it is wrong to compare or link their gracelessness with dangerous indifference. On Saturday a neighbor called to let me know that N., our building manager lost the master keys to this 22-story apartment building over a month ago and told no one, well, no tenant.

I immediately got on the internet, got on the phone, called the police, the crime line. I also called our weekend emergency number and demanded that my lock be changed. The guy said "O I thought that security situation was resolved a month ago" thereby affirming that what I heard was true! There was a loss, a breach and it was a month ago.... He called me back to tell me that the building had 200 locks on order and that if I replaced the lock myself, I would not be reimbursed.

I wrote HUD, the Democrat and Chronicle, WHEC-TV, the Center for Disability Rights. Monday, my lock was changed.

I learned that there was an attempt to get into someone's apartment and the key broke off in the lock, that another tenant's apartment was ransacked while they were at church.

How hundreds of people's lives and property could be so disrespected is beyond me.
We get a monthly news flyer, which held only banal meaningless announcements:
Halloween party, don't wash on weekends if you are retired.... not a word about the security breach, no warning, even....

And insult to injury, we are facing a rent increase on November 1, and received
letters to this effect. Again no notification.

A week ago, I received a note that there was a package for me. I entered the open door to thee community room and went into the anteroom where packages are kept. As i picked up my package the alternate building manager, S. apppeared and told me " You should ask us to get the package for you. You shouldn't be here"

The door was open, I told her. Well, we're responsible for the packages.
You dear reader, may already understand the insult and inanity of this. How could I take what I did not have access to? Why would I be upbraided for retrieving my own mail?
Let me underscore the insult of this by saying I'm in a wheelchair, moving slowly.....

And, on reflection, this .....person could see fit to berate me for entering an open door to pick up what was mine while she KNEW that access to the ENTIRE
BUILDING was in the hand of person or persons unknown. Midtown Manor is 22 stories--- about 175 apartments..

I cannot think of words harsh enough for this hypocrisy, this crass and criminal indifference, this oppressive, dangerous, nasty arrogance.

If you are of a praying mind, pray for my idiotic, elderly, frightened, weak neighbors. I told a woman with MS about the loss of the keys, she said she knew, was frightened and had discussed it with her psychiatrist.

Why didn't her psychiatrist call HUD, the Housing Council, the police?!!!!
Or advise her to take action?!!!

I am grateful, grateful for my Mac, for my access to the internet, for the ability,
despite my disability, to communicate.