Blue Monday

Saturday's window. Today's was darker, starker, white. Todya is blue Monday, thee most dpressing day of the year according to a Brit researcher.
I was supposed to have a visitor who didn't call and didn't show. Adn i dismantled my little photo studio to accomodate
her--- it is the brightest spot and the chair had a pyramid of sheet covered boxes. Niles was dismayed as it has becaome his draped boudoir, his hidey place, from which he can see all yet not be seen. I rpobably would not have vacuumed so assidously and definitely would have eaten both sooner and later...


But the led clip light arrived. it cast a wide beam for it's tiny size, but really i still need a floor lamp to have light,



I'm thinking about a play about the place i'm living.
it's been so hard to write.
Going inside takes me inside, to the pain
should i make peace with my condition nonononononon i scream this is not me
but it hasn't gone away yet. i don't spend the day trembling in fear like i did until november, fear of falling out, falling over the incredible daily fear that exhausted me after riding the liftline

and i still fell grief and fatigue most days
maybe because i am out of noni juice and ginseng
i miss my energy which some said was incredible and maybe now i am just knocked down to normal

i seldom did as much as i wanted to , but it was so much more than i can accomplish now

ginseng ginger help me

all i need is 10% i read just 10% will let me walk again

i feel tingling like when your feeet fall asleep i pray this is an awakening